Daddy

By Lyanna J.

            I first found out I was Cambodian in 2011. I was as senior in high school. It was either my aunt or my cousin that told me. It was also during that same time that I found out who my dad was. I never knew his name or anything about him. My mom had been with her husband since before I was 5. I knew he was not my dad. He is white. My mom never wanted to talk about who my dad was. Over the course of my childhood I had asked her who he was and what I was. She would never tell me. So when I became a rebellious teenager, I found out everything.

            One time around 2012 I was on Facebook and saw I had a friend request from Vy Prak. I knew that he must be my uncle because he had the same last name as my dad. I accepted the friend request and went through his friends list. Then I found my dad’s Facebook. I saw that his cover photo was a picture of me. It was a recent picture he had taken from my Facebook account. I was so mad. Here this stranger was stealing pictures of me and I had no idea who he was. I knew he was my dad, but that does not change the fact that he was a complete stranger to me. I did not know what kind of person he was or what happened between him and my mom. Nobody would tell me. I was talking to him on Facebook and was angry with him for taking my pictures without me knowing. Eventually my dad started to tell me his side of the story.

            He had told me one day, when I was a baby, him and my mother were in the park fighting. He had told me he was holding me. He had said my mother fell and he tripped over her. He said tripping over her was how she got the foot print in her face.

            My mother had told me that I was in the baby carriage. I was rolling down the hill while her and my dad were fighting. My aunt had to stop me from rolling down the hill and into the street. She said my uncle Vy was there with some other people and they were just watching everything. My dad was beating up my mom and when she ended up on the ground he stomped on her face. Which is how she got the footprint in her face. A cop drove up on to the grass, in the park, and he hit my dad with the police car to get him to stop. They had said my dad was very drunk and he was on drugs. My dad went to jail for 7 years. I was told that right before this fight, my dad was released from jail. He was let out of jail because they said he was not a danger, but obviously he was since he went and beat up my mom. The jail he went to was in Texas. I heard the prisons over there are really bad.

            When my mom and dad were together he would steal from her. He would take her food stamps and sell them for money. He would also take her money. He was addicted to drugs. He also stole from his own mother. My aunts told me that when she was pregnant with me they would never let her go walking around outside alone. They did not want my dad to do something bad to her.

            After my dad got out of jail he met Mayra. She is my sister’s mom. She was 15 when she was with my dad. He did not know she was under age. She looked older for her age. My sister is the same way. She is 13, but she looks 16. Mayra is Puerto Rican and Dominican. My dad was abusive with Mayra as well.

            One day in 2012 I went to the flea market with my aunt Alicia, my cousins, and my brothers and sister. On this day we were walking around looking at stuff. Then Alicia said to me “Lyanna your dad just walked by.” I said what and when I turned he was there with Vy, my cousin Zada, my sister Savunny, and my grandmother. I had never met any of these people before this moment. Not counting when I was a baby. It was really awkward. I did not know what to say. We were all standing around and they asked me how I was doing. Everyone started crying and hugging me. It was really weird. So after this encounter my dad gave me money and we went our separate ways.

            When I got home to my mom’s house I did not plan on telling her I saw him, but my brother or sister told her. I knew it was a sore subject for her and she did not like to talk about him. She asked me what had happened, even though she already knew. I told her everything. I told her about how I found him on Facebook and I told her what he told me that happened that day in the park. She told me her story. I could tell she was not happy.

            During May of 2012 I had moved out of my mom’s house and in with my friend. During this time I was talking to my dad more. I went to my grandmother’s house because my dad’s sister Linda was having a party for my cousin Jaden. He was turning 2 I think. I spent time with my sister Savunny. It was really weird finding out I had another sister. She is family, but she is also a stranger. I did not know how to act around all these new people. It was really overwhelming.

            My dad was living with a woman during this time. I do not remember her name. I know that they were together for 5 years. They never went out together or talked to each other. They were more like roommates. They did not act like a couple. They broke up and she moved to Rhode Island. My dad was looking for a new apartment.

            I moved out of my friend’s house and in with my grandmother. She did not speak any English. She could only ask if I wanted to eat. While I lived with her I spent a lot of time with Linda. We went out together all the time. She is only about 2 years older than me. We would always go party with her friends. My grandmother would always stay home and take care of Jaden.

            After living there for a few weeks, I moved in with my dad’s girlfriend. Linda did not like her. She said Kianni was a gold digger. Kianni had her own money though. Well from what I saw. Kianni was Cambodian and Vietnamese. She was very nice. She has a daughter named Kianna. When I met Kianni she was introduced to me as Thida. Her daughter was nicknamed Yana. Her daughter was 9. She would always stay right by my side from the moment I moved in with them. I think her daughter was lonely. Thida always went out and she always traveled. She was hardly ever home. She did work a lot too.

            The first time I ever went to a bar was with Thida. I was 18. She knew the bouncer and that is how I got in. He did not even check my ID. All guys liked Thida. My dad did not know she took me to a bar. They had a fight and she did not tell him where we were going. My dad seemed to get mad at her a lot. I do not know why. I liked her. I had become friends with her. I only heard that everyone thinks she is a bad influence. One time when her and my dad were fighting, she told him she was going to take me to Cambodia and have me marry someone. He got really mad at that and told her not to. It was not all bad though. There were times when they got along.

            In July of 2012 Thida and Yana were going to Cambodia. Also my dad found an apartment. I moved in with my dad. Living with my dad was not very good. I missed Thida and Yana. During this month my dad was on disability because he had gotten in a car accident and hurt his back. He could not go to work. I was always using his car and going out because he never went anywhere. I would go to my friends’ houses. Sometimes I would take my sister and cousin to Alicia’s house to swim in her pool. It was weird having Savunny and Zada by my side at all times. I did not like it. I was not used to being followed around all the time. They would sleep with me in my room. I used to share a room with my sister Helen when I lived at my mom’s house, but that was different because I grew up with Helen. Savunny and Zada did not grow up with me. It was fun hanging out with them though, even though they were both pretty young.

            When I lived with my dad we used to fight a lot. Whenever he got mad at me he would turn off my phone. I would yell at him because I hated not having a phone. I told him I can afford to pay my own phone. It was his idea to put me on his phone plan. I was paying for my own phone before this. Then one time we got in a bad fight and he had turned off my phone and I was trying to leave the apartment, but he would not let me. I told him I just wanted to leave and he kept asking, “Where do you think you are going?” I was being really mean. I said, “What are you going to hit me?” and I said I would call the cops on him. After all the things I was saying my dad started to cry. We amends after fighting and he turned my phone back on. It was not long after this though that we had another fight. I do not remember what caused the last one, but my dad blamed me for the breakup between him and that lady he lived with for 5 years. He also blamed the car accident on me. Even though I was not even there. He said he did not care about me or love me. This was all over the phone. He was at work during this. So while he was at work I packed all my things. I called Mayra and she picked me up. She and Savunny helped me move. I moved to Melrose, in with my godmother.

            After I had moved Linda and Vy were calling me asking me what happened. I told them everything and they wanted me to let my dad cool down and give him another chance. I did not. I did not talk to him for a few years. My dad tried telling Thida not to talk to me anymore. She did not listen to him though. We were still friends. We went to California together. I still hung out with her when I could. I was working a lot during this time.

            When I moved in with my grandmother I started talking to my dad again. He was so sorry for the way that he acted and the things he said. I saw him a few times last year. Then we got in a fight and he was flipping out at me for no reason. Then I stopped talking to him. During this year was when I started talking to my dad again for the last time. I still talk to my dad. I know he is a hard person to get along with, but he is still my dad. Even though he had given up custody of me when I was in the third grade. He signed over all his rights. He is still my dad though. I visit him, Vy, my grandmother and I sometimes see Linda. I will be seeing more of them this summer.

            I know my dad probably acts the way he does because of his past. He was in the Khmer Rouge when he was 7 years old. Today he was telling me about when he was in a refugee camp in Thailand. When they were being disciplined in school they would make him kneel on jack fruit. The skin of jack fruit is very sharp. Also the people at the school would hit my dad with a stick. Nobody should have to deal with this torture. It is inhumane.

            I have been giving my dad a chance because he has been through so much since he was a young boy. We only have one life to live. Before we know it, it will all be over. I need to spend as much time as I can with my family. All the time and years we have wasted we will never get back. We have to live each day like it is our last. Spending time with family is very important. There is no need to waste time on being angry or waste time fighting. Whatever we say could be the last words we have.