Heal Your Roots

By S.B.

Growing up, I’ve always contemplated the “American dream” and the actual meaning behind it. For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined it to be as simple as starting a family and buying a house. As a first-generation Cambodian American, I realize now that the meaning can differ for everyone, especially for those of different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. For many immigrant families, the American dream is to ultimately overcome hardships, while preserving traditional values in a country that is far away from home.

Knowing your roots is important because it more or less bridges the gap to self-identity, especially in terms of culture. For many first-generation families, there is a language barrier between individuals and their parents. Evidently, this is a cause for concern because it can create feelings of resentment and isolation within the household. Learning how to read and write in Khmer is an essential part of my self-discovery. Not only does it allow me to connect more to my cultural roots, but it also puts me directly in my parents’ shoes. Before taking this course, I never even considered what it was like for them to have to learn to read and write English. The culture shock that a lot of immigrants faced while coming to America is only a fraction of the resilience that families like mine had to endure. Learning to read and write in Khmer has allowed me to appreciate the extent of my parents’ sacrifices on a whole new level of understanding.

Growing up in Lowell, I realized that there is much more to life than having kids and owning a home. Many Cambodian American households such as mine are faced with challenges Bunthy 2 like adapting to American culture, while trying to honor their traditional roots. Often, the resilience needed to thrive within America comes with a lot of trauma and emotional baggage. Without proper guidance and support, the American dream is merely just a fantasy for some, especially those who are faced with generational challenges like most multicultural families. As a parent, it’s important for me to instill in my children the personal values that I resonate well with from both cultures. Not only will sharing this knowledge help guide them on their journey into adulthood, but it will also foster better bonds within our family. When developing children are given the opportunity to learn more about their cultural roots, they gain a deeper understanding of who they are and where they come from. In a house where communication lacks due to language barriers, this type of introspection can ultimately help with creating a stronger sense of identity. Rather than blindly expecting my children to achieve the “American dream”, I will first help them recognize what it’s like to be a Cambodian American. By doing so, I hope to inspire them to pursue their own idea(s) of the American dream—one that honors their Cambodian roots while allowing them to embrace the opportunities of America.

In Cambodian culture, forgiveness is an essential step to achieving enlightenment in terms of Buddhism. A quote which is commonly attributed to Buddha says that “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Personally, I believe that it’s significant to our healing to forgive our parents for the generational challenges they might have caused us, in order to truly attain peace. After learning about the psychological effects of the aftermath of the Khmer Rouge, I have started to recognize my parents’ struggles in a whole new light. I realize now that much of their strict behavior was shaped by trauma and a desire to protect me, growing up. To them, the American dream is deeply rooted in survival and making sacrifices to provide their children with opportunities that they never had. By acknowledging Bunthy 3 their cultural history, I have learned to more or less forgive my parents for not knowing any better. While forgiveness doesn’t completely erase the pain of the past, it can certainly enable us to heal collectively as a family. In forgiving our parents, we can do better effectively by breaking generational cycles through compassion and empathy, rather than resentment and isolation.

In the journey to self-discovery, understanding our cultural roots is an essential part of bridging the gap that exists within first generation families. By learning our parents' language, honoring their sacrifices, and embracing our shared culture, we can better prepare ourselves to succeed within the context of our own life. Instead of inheriting the weight of generational trauma, we have a better chance at breaking these cycles through forgiveness and understanding. So far for me, honoring my roots has not only allowed me to heal, but has also encouraged me to take pride in the strength and resilience of both cultures. As a first-generation Cambodian American, I am fortunate to have this opportunity to chase my own version of the American dream and I look forward to supporting my own kids on their journey to self-discovery.