Growing up as a Cambodian with immigrant parents

By Rath Lisa

The name Lisa (លីសា li-sa, li-za) my parents gave me was to make me look more American and fit me into the world’s society standards, like always, most Asian kids were also given ‘white’ names. My ethnicity is shown as an Asian American specifically being represented as a Cambodian, I was born and raised in Lowell. Growing up, I did not have the same perspective on my culture like most kids, I was raised my whole life getting told “កូនខំរៀន” (kaun khamrein or in English; study hard) or គ្រាន់តែធំឡើងដើម្បីឆ្លាត (krean te thomlaeng daembi chhlat or just grow up to be smart). As to this day at the age of 14, currently a freshman in high school, I have always stood by that which in some ways helped me get to where I was. Now I am taking 4 high honors classes, I have higher expectations for next year as I am taking the challenge of being an AP student and trying to continue my education on the right pathway like my parents had wished for. Taking my parents advice I have always been determined to be pushed no matter how many mistakes I have made along the way, they always tell me ព្យាយាម​ម្តង​ទៀត (pyeayeam​ mtong​ tiet or try again) because they did not want me to lack or fall behind when given the use of education, they taught me to appreciate whatever I am given, I must appreciate it. Due to the U.S military army, my mom’s dad was sponsored as a refugee program and my dad had already been living in the U.S since his dad was sponsored to come, he was an asylum meaning he had run away from his country and gotten citizenship.

My dad’s father was able to sponsor his whole family to come to the U.S and that was how my parents had gone through the journey of coming to the state. They wanted a better life for me here and for them, there were so many opportunities here and they wanted to get away from the wars and live by peace because they had believed the U.S is where they had ‘freedom.’ When I was little, I would always attend events like my oum’s (uncle/aunt) wedding wearing traditional Khmer clothes, learned how to greet my elderlies ជំរាបសួរ​ (chomreabsuor​ or hello in a respectful way). I was never taught how to write or type Khmer, I wasn’t even able to speak Khmer properly but I was able to understand it, that was the challenging part of living here as well, I grew up with only learning English that I had forgotten to adapt to my own language which made me feel like an outlier, it made me feel like I needed to learn it to talk to my family members better, I felt like it would be such a shame if I hadn’t learned my language and so here I am taking Khmer 1, next year I’ll be taking Khmer 2.

I do not regret wanting to learn my native language, but I will say it has been quite difficult to learn how to write, type, and even speak it properly. Being the oldest of my 2 younger siblings, I learned how to speak English fluently in my first year at my charter school and when they grew up, the more English I spoke to them, meaning I had had them adjust to it as well. When it came to school, I have always thought I could accomplish anything. I found myself slow at first but every parent conference I had with my teachers and parents, they told my parents I learned quickly and that I was smart, it was music to my parent’s ears. My top priority significantly revolved around school, I still as this day follow that and always tend to will regardless of anything. I will never stoop to the point where I must put other things first than school. My goal and dream are to get into a good college but now that I am in high school, I must look at the options of colleges, but I do feel like it is important to be able to persevere yourself even through the hard difficult challenges, even learning a new language.

The importance of being able to endure the wishes of your parents is being able to be committed regardless of how slow you think you are. I manage to sometimes fall behind, but I have never doubted I cannot do something because I feel capable of pushing myself far. It is highly significant to embrace the differences and your cultures to other people without being ashamed. The essay I am writing about, shows the passion I have in my education while growing up with different types of parents, but the essay I am going to write in college is going to pursue the dreams but why high school was a step closer to helping find home in my own culture. I always have followed when given the following advice from my parents; do not give up. I was not looked at differently when put in a charter school growing up, there were other kids just like me which made me feel more included, we celebrated my own culture and my parents showed up to most of it, it makes me feel appreciated that they have time to show they are proud of me. 

There will be some hard days where I cannot manage to figure out how to solve math problems or understand how to write Khmer but regardless, I keep on trying as told. If your parents push you to try your hardest then they are just trying to tell you that they care about you and want you to do good. That is why I want to keep trying even when it comes to learning my language. Till this day, I must admit, I know I am not good at everything yet but if I put my mind into it then I will be able to accomplish so much more. Speaking on the topic of embracing cultures, I feel like having to speak your own language helps you fit in more with your family but not the point where you feel like you’re not enough, it may be hard to communicate with your family members when it comes to your native language but it isn’t something you chose, sometimes people are born like that naturally and have to overcome their challenges and work through problems, not everyone has the same thoughts. I wanted to get closer with my heritage and dive deeper into the important aspects of my background.

I think it is worthwhile to fulfill your wishes in the meantime, do it for yourself if it benefits you, that’s why I figured trying to meet my parents' standards and being able to speak the language to them would make me feel appended into the culture I was born to fit into. I felt embarrassed at some points where I was not able to speak Khmer fluently like others, like how could you be Cambodian but not speak it? I had felt so lost within the depths of my own background, I felt like it was lost in me which is another reason why I have decided to take Khmer. Learning Khmer at Lowell High School has given me a huge opportunity. I have been able to build new bonds and relationships with other people like me. I will be able to become more fluent, I certainly do not want my cultural roots to be lost because of me. That is what I had always felt like my whole life, but regardless of being in a household with people who speak it, constantly going out to relatives’ homes and party while listening to the Khmer traditional music, eating the foods they had cooked and bought from Asian stores, you can’t force yourself to fit in because you should already be proud of the way you were born with being able to grow up to appreciate it. But now that I am given the chance to get closer to learning my language, I am doing it. Now that we are in the middle of the school year close to the end, I can say I am proud to have learned some parts of my own language.

I did learn how to speak Khmer fluently in sentences. The importance of learning the language to my parents shows how if you speak it, the culture, dance, music, and language will not get lost as you pass it down generation to generation. And if I ever had the chance to go to my homeland, I would need to speak it as well, that is why I am trying to take some of my years in high school by learning it so by college I can speak to the ones who may understand me. Whenever I had to go to my grandparents’ house, they would speak Khmer to me, it was usually me and my cousins who went there and that was when I can say we were highly fluent at that time, but now that we’re in our teenage years, the language was lost, now I had understood why it was so important to keep pushing the different backgrounds to different generations throughout the years. When being born with given special roots, you should be able to take advantage of it and not let it fall behind cause not everyone has given the same opportunity as you, not everyone is the same so we should all be grateful for what we are and be open about it. Although there were struggles at my own homeland, I someday look forward to being able to go and visit it. That is why I am so big on my education to be able to support my family and make money to go visit there. I feel the need to embrace and clasp into my own customs.

I was born with language, dance, music, clothing, and food. I feel the need to carry it even if I have kids so the roots are still there. The interest I have in Cambodia is visiting the temples, the countryside, the cities, and have a better understanding of different perspectives within my own ethnic backgrounds. Here in the United States, it is a diverse place where many families hold the generation of their hidden arts and values like mine. It is important to experience new things, but it is also highly important to be able to be used to the roots you were born with; it should be something you are proud of. One of the things I am interested in is one of my other parents’ wishes where they want me to learn how to Khmer dance, at first, I thought it was a waste of time but the more that I watched it on my grandparents tv, during assemblies at school, and hearing about it in general, it made me genuinely have an interest in it. To start Khmer dance, you must be able to connect with our ancestors, there will always be a hidden and deeper meaning behind each dance movement, maybe one of my years I will be able to live up to that wish. It is never too late to start learning about your culture, it is never too late to try and fulfill your parents’ wishes.

I am grateful that I was pushed as an Asian kid but grown up in the U.S because I realize the differences of how my parents just wanted me to grow up to be the best version of myself and be able to support my own dreams. Trying to fit into something is not always going to be easy but if you are encouraged and determined to figure out what new ideas and opportunities will lead you to it then you should always take the risk.  There are so many significant aspects to the hidden Cambodian culture, and as you grow up, we should always make sure those traditional roots are still there, we should never let what we were born with get lost. As my parents always would say, សូមជូនពរឱ្យអ្នកធំឡើងទទួលបានជោគជ័យ (pray that you grow up to be successful in English.) One thing I can say for sure is that making your parents proud of your hard-working education and learning how to feel more included in the backgrounds is one of the most important things that should be taught and learned.

I aspire to keep learning about the divergent purposes to my heritage, it is one thing you should be proud of and living up to, it is not too late to start growing into the roots you were born with, you can still learn about keeping the culture alive even through different generations that are going to be passed through. I am proud to be a Cambodian.